let me tell you of a few weak spots in my slightly criminal profession
in which I still am the best, and that's without objection
it really is important that you know all the tricks in the book
so that on a nightly mission you can really play the crook... yeah yeah...

fear of darkness and of a scary dog is what you better try not to feel
since most of my beloved clients are equipped
with one that makes your fear so real
open up the fences and jump the widest ditch... yeah yeah...

who the fuck invented the hucklebuck and all that lousy jazz?
lazy, yeah that's cool, like the razzmatazz,
since I have always thought that 's.o.s.' meant shit
but now I know it means 'same old show'... yeah yeah...

the benefit of being Tony,
to tell you sir the truth,
both you and I are lonely,
drunk and barely nude

never been too brilliant when I did my years at school,
but in entertaining people I could really play the fool
so I learned to make some bucks and how to get some female-fucks
and that was rather easy if I could perform some show

the trick is to pretend, and exactly that is what I know
it's well possible that my mum is a bit upset about her sonny's night career
but I'm not mummy's-pet, so get my mom away from here
a nice employment at the bank from nine to five... waaw waaw...

the benefit of being Tony,
to tell you sir the truth,
both you and I are lonely,
drunk and barely nude