G   Em    C       D
  Unfortunately I am
G     Em       C          D     D#m
  My own dog, my own fur companion
Em           A
  My own old lady on a forum
C              Cm
  Who types in glittery decorum

G   Em      C     D
  Unfortunately I take
G    Em      C             D    D#m
  Myself out walking every day
Em          A
  I hand my legs to the feet and
C           Cm
  I give my head to the leash

[Chorus]

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G                E7
  What’s a human being gotta be like
Am                D
  What’s a way to just be competent
G                       E7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G             E7
  Was it a mistake to try and define
Am                   D
  What I’m certain’s mad incompetence
G                      Am Bm Cm
  These sweet instincts        ruin my life

[Verse 2]

G   Em          C             D
 I can't smell well, or tell the time.
G     Em        C          D   D#
 Not K through 8, nor K - 9.
Em           A
 (For human, grossly underqualified
C            Cm
 For canine, grossly overqualified)

G     Em        C         D
  I don’t blend in at Pet-Smart
G         Em    C            D  D#
  That truth remains for the Walmart
Em                 A
  'Cause in either case they say to me
C                   Cm
  "What the fuck is lost in aisle 3?"

[Chorus]

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G                E7
  What’s a human being gotta be like
Am                D
  What’s a way to just be competent
G                       E7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Am            D
  Every other day I’m wondering
G             E7
  Was it a mistake to try and define
Am                   D
  What I’m certain’s mad incompetence
G                      Am Bm Cm
  These sweet instincts        ruin my life

[Solo]

Am D G E
Am D G G
E|----| Key Change---- [If chords become too hard, play previous chords in the verse and chorus with capo on 2nd]
A F#m D E
A F#m D E Fm
F#m B D Dm


[Verse 3]
A      F#m        D          E
  Just watch me, moving far away
A   F#m   D             E    Fm
  Nobody even knows my name and
F#m         B
  No one suspects that I’m not fine, and
D        Dm
  Nobody outs behavioral Frankenstein

A      F#m     D          E
  Just look at Victor in A 
A         F#m      D             E    Fm
  And Syd with the y; State U of A,
F#m           B
  And all the majors at the labels -
D           Dm
  Rebooting soon as I am able

[Chorus]
Bm            E
  Every other day I’m wondering
A                F#7
  What’s a human being gotta be like
Bm                E
  What’s a way to just be competent
A                       F#7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Bm            E
  Every other day I’m wondering
A             F#7
  Was it a mistake to try and define
Bm                   E
  What I’m certain’s mad incompetence
A                       F#7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Outro]
Bm            E
  Da da da da da da dadada
A             F#7
  Da da da da da da dadada
Bm            E
  Da da da da da da dadada
A                       F#7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

Bm            E
  Da da da da da da dadada
A             F#7
  Da da da da da da dadada
Bm            E
  Da da da da da da dadada
A             F#7
  These sweet instincts ruin my life

[Outro Chords]
Bm E A F#7
Bm E A