The other day I applied for a new job
I wanted work to afford the alcohol
I didn't care if I cleaned toilets with a mob
even though I'd rather watch or play football

For the interview I was half an hour late
I missed the bus, 'cause the fucker wouldn't wait
my fly was wide open while entering the room
the guy laughed at me and I guess it is my doom

Why can't I get something straight
why can't I get something straight
why can't I get something straight
why must I be the biggest moron of all times

A week later I saw the girl of my dreams
the size of my balls was reduced to that of beans
when I opened my mouth I spat in her face
just before I fell over my open shoe lace

She turned her lovely back on me
I wanted to beat myself senselessely
I crawled home with yet another regret
at least there was my friend the internet

Why can't I ...

Later I gathered with some friends
they told me it is not the end
I should now forget that shit
and drink with them for a little bit

I started rolling a little joint
they thought that was not wrong
an hour later they got the point
and started suff'ring our favourite bong