I am Guybrush Threepwood.
The only non-undead pirate to know the secrets of Monkey Island.
Well, four secrets actually.

I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I have overstayed my welcome through many graphic adventures.
I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I have come here to rid this island of deadly and murdorous... clam?
I am Guybrush Threepwood,
And I don't have a drinking problem.
I am Captain Threepwood,
I've been to Monkey Island four times.
Defeated the evil pirate LeChuck repeatedly.
I uncovered the gates of hell,
I destroyed an Australian land-developer and his ultimate insult.
Discovered the worlds only talking monkey,
And married the most beautiful governour in the world.
And all before the age of 22.