Twisted - I Steal Everything

C
     F                Dm
Want food, but got no money?
     Eb                     G
I'm screwed, or so it would seem
           Am        Dm                  G
That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme
C
Just steal everything!

(spoken)
F
Alright, monkey, let's feast!

[MONKEY, spoken]
Yeah, yeah!

[AADD IN, spoken]
Bb              Am7
Ugh. Raisins. I hate raisins.
            D7
Hey, little orphan kids, you guys hungry?
G7
Want some bread?

[ORPHAN KID, spoken]

We do, sir.

[AADD IN, spoken]

Fetch, you fucks!

(Sung)
    F7                 Dm7
For real, I'm not that picky
     Bb7                 B7
I'll steal whatever's in sight
 A7           D7                    G7
Don't judge, 'cause you don't understand my plight

[ORPHAN KID, spoken]

Hey, my crutch!

[AADD IN, sung]

It's mine now, loser
C
 I steal everything

[CITIZEN, spoken]

F7                       F
Bread! Bread for sale! Reasonably priced for these hard times!

[AADD IN, spoken]

Ah, hey there, friendo!

[CITIZEN, spoken]
Dm              Eb
Not you again! Please, you—you just stole a
                            B7
 loaf of bread from me this morning!

[AADD IN, spoken]
                                         Am
Yeah, and you gotta stop putting raisins in it, man.
  Dm
I hate raisins.
Gm
I was talkin' to Monkey about it, and he thinks
          C    N.C.
we should just kill you!
N.C.
But I was like, no, Monkey, that's crazy!
N.C.
But now I'm kinda thinking... yeah.
                          N.C.   F
...No more fucking raisins.

(Sung)
        F7                        Eb7
Did you know in this barbaric country
          Bb7                   Db7
They only give you money if you work?
G7                     C7
Thanks, but no thanks, the man
                   D7
I'll keep stealing all I can,
  Bb7                             C7
Instead of being a fascist yuppie jerk

[CITIZENS]
F
Hippie!
Eb
Fucker!
A
Slacker!

[AADD IN]
D
Sucker!
Gm7               C7
Who would seek employment
          D7            Gm
When life offers such enjoyment?
Eb                            Db
Anything I get, I can get for free
C                      G
Besides, the economy's shit
     F
So I make haste when making exits
    Bb                B7
Get chased by a murderous mob
A7      Dm                     G7
Hey man, still beats getting a job

(spoken)
     C7
Am I right?

[OLDER WOMAN, spoken]

F7                          Bb
Getting in trouble a little early today, aren't we Aladdin?

[AADD IN, spoken]
Bb7                               F7
You're only in trouble if you get caught.

[WOMAN, spoken]
F7
Aladdin?

[AADD IN, spoken]
N.C.
I'm in trouble

[WOMAN, spoken]
F7
After that night we spent together, my
Dm7
belly grows big with child.
Eb7
My father says that you must marry me
                             B7
 now, or I'll bring dishonor to my entire family.

[AADD IN, spoken]
                        F
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah
                                      Dm
I can't give up on my dreams and settle down

 just because your dad's being a dick.
Gm                      G7
Besides, if I do marry, I want it to be for love.

[WOMAN, spoken]

Oh, Aladdin... I understand.

[AADD IN, spoken]

You're such a special girl, Jezebel.

[WOMAN, spoken]

Who's Jezebel?!

[AADD IN, spoken]
                C
Uh oh - Busted!

[WOMAN, sung]
F
Asshole!

[AADD IN]
Eb
Oh, wow.

[WOMAN'S F THER]
A
Douchebag!

[AADD IN]
D
Hey now!
Gm                  C
Just one question, why, man?

[WOMAN'S F THER]
           D                   Gm
'Cause you stole my daughter's hymen!

[AADD IN]
    N.C.
That's completely fair, but in my defense,
                           C
Dude, your daughter's hot.
F
 I feel that it's my duty
    Eb                       B
 to steal, 'cause stealing's an art
           Am
I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack
Bb
Candy from babies, the shirt off your back!

G
Credit, identities, thunder, and scenes
C
Intellectual property, whatever that means.
A              D
And if you'll look closer,
     G
This poor little orphan
          C        F
will steal your heart!