Christmas Unicorn

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I'm a Christmas Unicorn, in a uniform made of gold
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With a billy-goat beard, and a sorcerer's shield, and mistletoe on my nose

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Oh, I'm a Christian holiday, I'm a symbol of original sin
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I've a pagan tree, and a magical wreath, and bow-tie on my chin

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Oh, I'm a pagan heresy, I'm a tragical Catholic shrine
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I'm a little bit shy, with a lazy eye, and a penchant for sublime

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Oh, I'm a mystical apostasy, I'm a horse with a fantasy twist
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Though I play all night, with my magical kite, people say I don't exist

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For I make no full apology for the category I reside
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I'm a mythical mess, with a treasury chest, I'm a construct of your mind

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Oh, I'm hysterically American, I've a credit card on my wrist
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And I have no home, or a field to roam, I will curse you with my kiss

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Oh, I'm a criminal pathology with a history of medical care
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I'm a frantic shopper, and a brave pill popper, and they say my kind are rare

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But I've seen others in the uniform of a unicorn just like me
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We are legions wide, and we choose no sides, we are masters of mystique

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For you're a Christmas Unicorn, I have seen you on the beat
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You may dress in the human uniform, child... But I know you're just like me