So you want to be my girlfriend
Wax my moustache in the morning
I'll curse you over breakfast
Where's my coffee; call this a boiled egg?
It's runny, or hard
Yes, it's hard

I never said it would be fun
I never said it would be...

You think I need a son and daughter
To fetch my slippers, clean the chimney
I'll whip Johnny every Sunday
I'll lock Mary in the cupboard
All night long, she'll cry
Oh, she'll cry

I never said it would be fun
I never said it would be...

So you want to grow old with me
Paint my hair black in the evening
We'll go cruising on a liner
I'll be oozing in the china
And coughing
As we go to Mexico

I never said it would be fun
I never said it would be...