I dipped my donga in some dog food, I found I couldn't stop;
Wanted to get some more, but it was a long way to the shop.
Don't know what I'm doing, but I sure know where I've been -
I've been stickin' it in Chumpy dog food ever since I was nineteen.

What has happened to the dialectic between my brain and my dick?
Lookin' at that Chumpy nearly makes me sick;
But that sticky, drippin' dick of mine's got its own ideology -
All I want my dong to do is have a simple wee.

My dick's gone all didactic; I'm nearly going spastic;
I see that Chumpy on Red Spot Special, it draws me like elastic.
I know more about pet food than other's have forgotten -
So bend over Fido, let me knead your bottom.