I've been crucified by all the scribes -
You can't see my back for all the knives;
The commentators have done all they could:
And fair enough - I'm just no good.

I try my best, there's no excuse;
You come to realise that it's just no use.
It's about time everyone understood
The simple fact - I'm just no good.

This latest effort is pretty drab;
Try Harem Scarum, they're always fab.
Turn off the radio, I know I would:
Let's just face it - I'm just no good.

It's about time a rock star spoke,
Admitted that his talent was a joke -
I'll be the first in the neighbourhood
To say without a doubt I'm just no good.

Possibly we could get Sting
Admitting to his pissant thing -
When Dunsinane gets to Birnham Wood,
That's when he'll admit he's no good.

Then Bono could take a stand,
But this time against his band -
Morality is his daily food,
Why don't he preach, "I'm no good?"

Just before we run out of time,
That last verse contained an eye rhyme;
Now I feel that I should
Point out that it wasn't good.

The singer has mucked up this song;
The guitarist has got it wrong;
The bassist, in all likelihood
Is like the drummer - just no good.