Gatesy: Okay, there was Footloose, Pauline Hanson in gaol, alpacas, pickles,  
        T-shirts with stupid phrases on them...   
Scod:   Specifically, \"Kiss Me Then Pork Me\".   
Gatesy: Yeah, that's the one. And it's sort of a Beach Boys thing... more  
        from the \"pet sounds\" era...   
Yon:    Less than the \"surf's up\"... well, I dunno, \"surf's up\" is later...  
        let's not get bogged down in Beach Boys history.   
Gatesy: And there's a little bit of Beastie Boys in there too.   
       
 
G       G                               Am             E 
Tripod: If it is true that there's just six degrees of near,   
        F      C    D 
        Why am I so lonely?   
        G                        Am       E 
        I drift from town to town nomadically.   
        F      C                D 
Gatesy: Nobody wants me, 'cause fame is so fickle,   
           F             C 
        If this town's a burger,   
             D (let ring) 
Tripod: Then I am the pickle.   
         
Scod:   It's about Kevin Bacon, by the way.   
                D               G 
Yon:    'Cause I get thrown out of the town,   
G & S:          Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
        D                       G 
Yon:    Like the burger, you know, sliding down the... I'll leave that.   
G & S:  Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
       
        C                 D 
Tripod: Such a shame that I got arrested,   
        G               G7 
Gatesy: For wearing an obscene T-shirt.   
        C                 D 
        All it said was, \"Kiss Me Then Pork Me\",   
        G                   G7 
        It's just 'cause my name is...   
                  C     D 
Tripod: ... Kevin Baco___n,   
              Em     C 
        Kevin Baco____n.   
                        C         D                     G 
        It's a joke I'm maki_______n'...   
Gatesy: Bacon - pork... get it?   
 
        G                              Am              E 
Tripod: But they didn't get it and I'm sittin' here in gaol,   
        F         C           D 
        Doin' the hand-spider movement.   
       
Yon:    People who weren't at this gig will never get this joke... get over it.   
      G                         Am         E     
Tripod: I had to bunk up with a former politician,   
        F          C           D 
Gatesy: I use that term rather liberally.   
        F            C           D 
        Then Pauline busted some rhymes for me.   
       
Gatesy: (Rapping) You feelin' like you failed,   
        Now ya sittin' in gaol,   
        The only thing you have for a toilet is a pail.   
       
        But Kevin, stop dancin'   
        And listen to me, I'm Pauline Hanson,   
        I'll get ya out of here, gotta listen to my plan, son.   
       
Yon:    (Normally) Okay, so now she starts talking. Okay, so what there is is, right...   
Gatesy: Why have you stopped bustin' out the rhymes, man?   
Yon:    'Cause there's a lot of information in this next bit and I think it'll be a  
        bit clearer if I...   
Gatesy: Okay, before you tell me that, can I just do another chorus?   
Yon:    Yeah.   
              C   D 
Tripod: Kevin Bacon,   
              Em  C 
        Kevin Bacon.   
                        C   D                   G 
        It's a joke I'm makin'...   
Gatesy: Get it?   
       
Yon:    No, no, I don't get it. Are you making fun of me?   
Gatesy: No, no, I'm not making fun of you, Pauline.   
Yon:    'Cause... 'cause I know what xenophobia is - it's making fun of the Chinese.   
Gatesy: No!   
       
        Pauline... Pauline, tell me about that plan.   
Yon:    Oh, yeah...   
Gatesy: About escaping, yeah?   
Yon:    Yeah. Okay, so there's an alpaca, right? You know, you probably see him  
        around - the gaol alpaca.   
Gatesy: Oh, the gaol alpaca!   
Yon:    And I reckon if you can get him up to about 70 miles per hour, I reckon  
        you can clear that fence.   
        You know, Steve McQueen-like.   
Gatesy: Cool. Fantastic.   
Yon:    That's basically it.   
        G                             Am                 E 
Tripod: So I jumped on the thing that looked just like a camel,   
        F            C         D 
        Mixed with a deer or a pony.   
        G                      Am            E 
        I rode off into the sunset with my alpaca,   
        F        C       D 
        I was no longer alone-y.   
        D                           G 
        Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
        D                           G 
        Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooh...   
        C                      D 
        It's such a shame that I got arrested,   
        G              Em 
        For wearing an obscene T-shirt.   
        Em                D 
        All it said was, \"Kiss Me Then Pork Me\",   
        G 
Gatesy: It's just 'cause my name is...   
                   C   D 
Tripod:  ... Kevin Bacon,   
                Em  C 
        I'm not fakin',   
                     C      D    
Gatesy: I'm making a statemen',   
                  G     G G G C  C  G 
        I'm Kevin Bacon!