He was short, but he liked the ladies
He also liked the boys
He was a maybe
He made them proud
With the dimmer switch down
He was the guy I stole
All my ideas from

He wasn't shy, and he got by
Sung with a sigh
But he didn't have my guile

Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the books
That we're reading
Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the songs
That we're hearing

Well, the books that he read
Well, I skimmed them too fast
And I couldn't get past the language
He was a bit like me
But with much better teeth
He was the guy I stole all my ideas from

He lived near the coast
I'm not saying where
He might have the teeth
But, honey, he's losing his hair

Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the books
That we're reading
Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the songs
That we're hearing

I eat through the day
I've been putting on weight
It suits me they say, don't you reckon?
I should walk the dog more
But the dog ain't bored
She just eats here with me and we're happy

Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the books
That we're reading
Hey, hey, let's go stealing
Let's go thieving from the songs
That we're hearing