"Dear parrot, I love you so deeply and true"
Said Reggie, destroyed and upset
"Dear cuddles, my darling, oh what shall I do?"
Said Dinky, your kinky love pet

"Dear Bonbon, your chicken lies dead in the fridge"
"Dear Porky, I ache for your touch"
"Dear Dishy, I'll meet you on Battersea Bridge"
"Dear Bonny, come back to our hutch"

And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter
And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter

"Dear Sticky, I miss all your silly old pongs"
From Beaky, who hungers for fun
"Dear Saucy, I offer redundant regards"
Said Lucky, who hasn't had none

Said Nonsense, "I've had it right up to my ears"
From Fiery, who never grows cold
"Oh gosh, how I love you, I tell you no lies"
Said Harley, before I'm too old

And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter
And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter

And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter
And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter

"Dear parrot, I love you so deeply and true"
Said Reggie, destroyed and upset
"Dear cuddles, my darling, oh what shall I do?"
Said Dinky, your kinky love pet

"Dear Bonbon, your chicken lies dead in the fridge"
"Dear Porky, I ache for your touch"
"Dear Dishy, I'll meet you on Battersea Bridge"
"Dear Bonny, come back to our hutch"

And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter
And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter

And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter
And I hope this letter will make things better
I hope you get a red letter