[Interloc'ter:]
Ladies and gentlemen, be seated
Mister Bones, Mister Bones
How do you feel, Mister Bones?

[Bones:]
Rattlin'!

[Interloc'ter:]
Mister Bones feels rattlin'!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, that's a good one
Tell a little story, Mister Bones

[Chorus:]
Tell a little story, Mister Bones

[Bones:]
How can you keep an angry dog from biting you on Monday?

[Interloc'ter:]
That joke is old, the answer is to kill the dog on Sunday

[Bones:]
That's not the way to keep a dog from biting you on Monday

[Interloc'ter:]
How would you bring the thing about?

[Bones:]
Have the doggie's teeth pulled out!

[Interloc'ter:]
Oh, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

[Chorus:]
Yes, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

[Interloc'ter:]
And now we'll hear the ballad singer's pet
A song we'll ne'er forget
By the barnyard quartette

[Quartette:]
Yes, my darling, you shall be, shall be
Always young and fair to me
That's a song that never will grow old
"Silver threads among the gold"

[Tambo:]
Mister Interloc'ter

[Interloc'ter:]
What is wrong with you?

[Tambo:]
I know of a doctor

[Interloc'ter:]
Tell about him, do

[Tambo:]
Sad to say, one day he fell
Right into a great big well

[Interloc'ter:]
That's too bad

[Tambo:]
It serves him right

[Interloc'ter:]
Why speak in such a tone?

[Tambo:]
He should have attended to the sick
And let the well alone

[Quartette:]
That's a joke that was told
By the minstrel men we miss
When Georgie Primrose used to sing
And dance to a song like this: