Behind the counter stood on crutches made of wood
A one-legged girl with blue-grey eyes, warm and wise.
I fled from that place and from that lovely face
That the one-legged girl stole my heart and I need help.

Cold November morning, buried under trees.
I would stay here all day long except I have to eat.
Crack the woods, crack them open both with shovels and yells.
Got to find little people, got to ask for their help.
And I tell them

If I could run fast, as fast as the Flash
Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness.
If I were a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,
Stronger than the Thing then I could win the one-legged girl.

Getting close to nighttime, running out of steam.
By now I know my family's looking and they'll know right where I'll be.
Spy the eyes in the twilight, small and bright, warm and wise.
Little hats, little fingers, and a flask full of wine.
And I'd tell them

If my hand were wheels and if my feet were wheels
Then I could roll over all of my rivals.
If I could cast a spell or do something swell
So that she could tell I was worth her attention.

Arms drag me away.
The little eyes wink out.
Stuffed inside my pocket is a flask of wine.

Now I can run as fast as the Flash
Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness.
Now I'll be a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,
Stronger than the Thing.
Now I can win the one-legged girl!