Am
Fell asleep last night with the TV on
E          E7      Am
Oh, what a dream I had
Am
I dreamed I went and answered every single one
          E                    E7
Of those late night mail order ads
    Am                       Am      E      Am
And four to six weeks later, much to my surprise
    Am
The mailman came to my front door
       E          E7      Am
And I couldn't believe my eyes

[CHORUS 1]
                    Am
When he brought the Vegematic
        E      E7        Am
And the Pocket Fisherman too
Am
Illuminated illustrated history of life
E                    E7
Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
  Am                    Am     E      Am
A bamboo steamer, and a Garden Weasel too
      Am        C      Am                  E       E7     Am
And a tie-dyed, dayglo souvenir shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank

[VERSE 2]

         Am                                                   E  E7
Well the doorbell rang all morning and all through the afternoon
  Am
I shook with fright as it rang all night
       Am           E      E7   Am
To the light of the Master Card moon
          Am
There was Parcel Post in the pantry
Am             E  E7
UPS in the hall
Am  C       Am             E             E7         Am
C.O.D. to the ceiling, and I just couldn't pay for it all

[CHORUS 2]

          Am                    E           E7       Am
I got the egg scrambler, with a Seal-a-Meal carrying case
  Am
A set of presidential commemorative plates
Am         E                   E7
So I could eat my eggs off the President's face
  Am                   E              E7           Am
A Minute Mender, and a needle that'll knit or crochet
       Am          C             Am
And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin
   E         E7   Am
At Six Flags Over Burbank

[VERSE 3]

  Am                                                 E  E7
I remembered I was dreaming, so I gave a mighty cheer
     Am          Dm                  E        E7       Am
When I awoke, it was no joke, 'cause all that shit was here
      Am                              Am                        E  E7
So if you fall asleep with the TV on, let me tell you what to do:
Am                Dm                         E          E7        Am
Rip the telephone out of the wall unless you want it to happen to you

[CHORUS 3]
            Am                 E      E7        Am
You get the Vegematic, and the Pocket Fisherman too
Am          C           Am
Illuminated illustrated history of life
    E                    E7
And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife
  Am                    E         E7      Am
A bamboo steamer, and a smokeless ashtray too
       Am     C          Am                   E       E7     A
And an all expenses paid weekend for three at Six Flags Over Burbank