Patrice:
Down the road, there's a dairy queen
Up the block, there's a Walmart
There's a place you can accessorize your pets
A school, a tree, a couple of churches
And no matter how hard anybody searches
That's about as thrilling as this dumb-ass village gets

It's the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
So don't disappear
It's the lamest place in the world
But I'm pretty sure
It's not as lame as it was before
Now that you're here

Forty miles to the nearest river
Sixty miles to the airport
When we plan our escape, that's where we're going to have to be
It's a shame, it's a sham, it's a terrible pity
You got dragged away from New York City
It's major suck for you but it's amazing luck for me

It's the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
I'm happy to say
It's the lamest place in the world

Your completely exotic
Intellectual neurotic
You would never have a shot except
You've found the perfect guide
And though I don't really know you
I can hardly wait to show you

Every fake and freak
Every fool and clown
Since the Chippewa settled this stupid town
Let and laugh
They won't keep me down
With you by my side

And it just got a little bit better
Amazing but true
Yes, the lamest place in the world
Has lots of flaws
But maybe it'll be fine because
It brought me to you