C - F - Dm - G

then

E|--1--3-1-3-1--1--3-1-3-1--1--3-1-3-1--3--|
B|--1-----------1-----------3-----------0--|
G|--0-----------2-----------2-----------0--|
D|--2-----------3-----------------------0--|
A|--3-----------------------------------2--|
E|--------------------------------------3--|

       C             F
you're helpless, and hopeless
          Dm           G
you wanna help out the homeless
    C      F           Dm   G
but you've got problems
       C             F
you're selfish, and worthless
          Dm            G
and you have no fucking purpose
         C               F             Dm   G
you're a cancer-causing, cancer-having slob


Dm   G   C            F     Dm         G        C
whoa-oh  whoa  WHOOOAAAAA   whoooaaaaa-ohhh-oooohhh


          C                         F
there are morals that conflict with orals
                   Dm                      G                
that conflict with anals that believe in angels
C          F         Dm    G
angels are hating on you
   C           F         
if good is the absence of evil
    Dm                      G
and evil is the absence of good
C                   F
there is an axis of evil
Dm                   G             
rolling into this neighborhood


                  Dm      F
with the sound of gunshots
C      E     Am
bang! pow!! pswchh!!!

Dm    G    C   Am    Dm   G   C. G. Am.  Dm  G  C
whoa-oh


       C                        F
it was then that i found i am a vampire
       Dm                       Am
i have fangs fucking 15 inches long
       C                        F
the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someone's blood
         Dm                               Am
feels so good i am compelled to sing this song
       C                         F
and at night when i retire to my coffin
     Dm                          Am
to sleep for a hundred years or more
        C                             F
all you people that i know will have died long ago
          Dm                                Am     Am - F - C
and their children will have died ten years before

Dm       G          C  G   Am
whoaaaaa-oh. whooaa-oh-oh-ohhh