A mason jar full of shine
A CD of Leann Rhimes
Is what I bought for our anniversary tonight
Now here I stand with my petunias in hand
And you've got a headache again

I hit a yard sale cut my toenails
Trimmed my nose hairs just right
I thought you'd be impressed
By my new hunting vest
But there's no chance tonight

It ain't the first time this year
It'll be the TV and beer
I about forgot what's its like to be here
As I sleep on the floor
While she sniffles and snores
Did I shave my back for this

Oh man Aww woo
This things duller than a dag burn butter knife

Now I'll bet she'll regret
That she didn't let
Me take her to that motel with a pool
You know its so hard to find
Free HBO and Showtime
And them vibrating beds sure are cool

I souped up my RV
Fired up my Flobee
Trimmed my toupee just right
I tried self tanning cream it turned my skin green
Uh you know the directions uh said that it might

Well its a mystery to me
Why she don't like Cledus T.
Most find me hard to resist
I'm wearing my brand new drawers
And wondering what the heck for
Did I shave my back for this

DEE-ANNA
Did I shave my back for this
Ohh ohh ohh
(Coughs)