E
He's been roundin' off bolts since the age of fourteen
      B7                      E
Was that a five eighths or a nine sixteenths?
E
He's got a metric socket that don't quite fit
            B7                                      E
Well it'll wiggle just a little but it ain't quite stripped
          A
The safety guard's gone from his grinding machine
           E
He got a stiff paint brush he only kinda got clean
          A
He's the hired man, my neighbor and a cousin in law
             E                         B7          E
He's a jerry riggin' fool, he got the tool for the job

[Chorus]
              A
Well it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
     E
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
    A
It just don't seem to make much difference
   E                         B7         E
I sure do like him but he's hard on equipment


[Verse]
  E
His corners ain't square and his floor ain't level
      B7                      E
And he's always had trouble with the old tape measure
E
His doors don't close ‘cause the jamb ain't plumb
            B7                             E
And he's a Goddamn menace with an air nail gun
         A
They love to see him comin' at the lumberyard store
         E
Fixed the leak in his roof with a two by four
         A
Drilled holes in his boards with the wrong kinda bit
             E                         B7          E
And when they don't line up he blames the government

[Chorus]
              A
Well it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
     E
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
    A
It just don't seem to make much difference
   E                         B7         E
I sure do like him but he's hard on equipment


[Verse]
  E
He got the whole front yard full of fix ‘em up cars
      B7                      E
Three don't run and the rest won't start
 E
Everything's fine with his rebuilt motor
            B7                                      E
Except of course for the couple spare parts left over
         A
Baler wire tie downs goin' down the road
         E
On two bald tires and an oversize load
         A
He ain't never read a manual ‘cause that's like cheatin'
             E                         B7          E
He don't mind a little grease on his hands while he's eatin'

[Chorus]
              A
Well it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench
     E
A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else
    A
It just don't seem to make much difference
   E                         B7         E
I sure do like him but he's hard on equipment