Eyes have been affixed upon the ceiling for a minute
I can tell you're acting different
Is it me?
Or just the distance?
Cause I moved across the country
Trying to run from who I was
And now reduced myself to nothing
In hopes of maybe feeling something
Now I'm -

Lost

Maybe I should take a step back
I've been killing myself
At what cost?

I've been working like a dog
Got it from my dad
Do it for my mom

I need to reach out
Ever since I left home
Me and my brotha don't talk

I've been acting like a cunt
But I'm always gonna blame it on a rut

Lying awake
Feeling like my synapses are setting ablaze
Falling out of love with everything that I create
I take one step forward just to fall onto my face
I don't believe I can be saved

I'm lost and so conflicted
This loneliness is sinking
The only thing I have consistent
In my life's addiction
Thought I lost my mind
But I lost my attentiveness
I made you cry
Because I swore this time would be different

These razor blades are bloody
Looks like my sleeves are bleeding
I'm fucking lost
Lookin to God trying to fix this feeling
These thoughts don't come in waves
Rather shower me lightly
They're so seductive in nature
It's like they're tryna invite me

I'm so indecisive
I just don't know what I want
And I've got zero restraint
I just don't know when to stop
If you give me an escape
Then I'll give you what you want
But you keep tearing me down
I think I've given enough
I do this shit to myself
I'm growing sick and deranged
I've spent 20 whole years slowly rotting my brain
The body will follow
Cut off the head of the snake
I wanna kill myself
But I don't have what it takes

Lying awake
Feeling like my synapses are setting ablaze
Falling out of love with everything that I create
I take one step forward just to fall onto my face
I don't believe I can be saved