I hope you get a flat
On your way to her house
I hope your cute new cat
Takes a piss on her couch

I hope her high-pitched laugh
Drives you clinically insane
I hope she leaves you
For your best friend, on your wedding day

I (ooh) wish I could say that I wish you well (ah-ah)
But all that's left to say is: Honey, go to hell
'Cause you'll never, ever, ever
Find another girl, quite like me
(Ooh, ooh, quite like me, ah-ah)

I hope you take her on a picnic
And get stung by a bee (ah-ah)
I hope you lean in for a kiss
With somethin' stuck in your teeth (ah-ah)

I hope you trip and fall
On your way to her room (ah-ah)
I hope she says she has a headache
And your balls turn blue

We know it isn't greener
On her side of the grass (grass)
But she's the one you chose
So honey, kiss my ass

'Cause you'll never, ever, ever
Find another girl quite like me (la, la, la, la)
No, you'll never, ever, ever, find another girl quite like me
(Ooh, ooh, quite like me, ah-ah)

No, you'll never find another girl, baby
(Ooh, ooh, quite like me)
No, you'll never find another girl like me