Now I thought that Kate was groovy
Thought that I could make her mine
But when I asked her to a movie
She respectfully declined
She said she'd be my comrade
And she said she'd be my friend
But she couldn't be my lover
Cause she was a lesbian

I've tried so hard to understand
Why it's got to be this way
Won't someone tell me
Why all of the cool girls are gay

Now I really liked Melissa
Yeah, I thought she was so tender
But when I tried to kiss her
She told me I was the wrong gender
She said she'd be my buddy
And she said she'd be my pal
But she couldn't be my girlfriend
Cause she's homosexual

I wish someone would inform me
And banish my naivete
Won't someone tell me
Why all of the cool girls are gay

I've been around for years
And I still don't understand why
But no one I want to do it with
Wants to do it with a guy

Now Kate lives with Melissa
And me I live alone
And the three of us go out
But then the two of them go home
They say I'm really special
And I think that they're both great
But I'd really like to find someone
Who likes me and who's straight

I've asked the whole world over
But no one who knows will say
Won't someone tell me
Why all of the cool girls are gay

I woke up and thought that things had changed
But it's the same as yesterday
Won't someone tell me
Why all of the cool girls are lesbians
Why all of the cool girls just don't like men
Why all of the cool girls are gay