My love is a telephone
Your love is an answering machine
Try to get a dial tone
Your call cannot be completed as dialed

My love is a leaf of spinach
Your spinach is a pot of tea
I can't find the coffee grinder
Could I just have a glass of milk?

Let me count the ways that I loved you
Let me count the ways that you hurt me
Let me count the times I still think of you
I count eighteen thousand forty three
One for every minute since you left me

Your love is a broken record
My love is a broken CD
It's part of a new boxed set
It's been digitally remastered

My love is a tube of toothpaste
Your toothpaste is a great-tasting gel
You should really floss more often
Squeeze tube from bottom and flatten as you go up

Let me count the ways that I loved you
Let me count the ways that you hurt me
Let me count the times I still think of you
I count eighteen thousand forty four
One for every minute since you walked out that door

I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I hate the bridge
I still love you

My love is an empty blackboard
Your love is a pile of chalk
You come in many different colors
I think I lost the eraser

My love is a order of fries
Your ketchup is way too thick
Hold the bottle upside down
I don't see fifty-seven varieties

Let me count the ways that I loved you
Let me count the ways that you hurt me
Let me count the times I still think of you
I count eighteen thousand forty five
One for every minute since you said goodbye