There must be a real good reason
Why he ain't home yet
There must be a real bad wreck slowing him down
I'm hoping he blew a tyre
His old truck flipped and caught on fire
'Cause God help my man if he's fooling around

If he's fooling around with some hussy he knows
While I'm cooking his dinner and washing his clothes
If he thinks he can come home and climb into my bed
He's got another thing coming upside his head

I hope there was a homeless hooker
That he gave a hug to
I pray that's her lipstick on his shirt this morning I found
These seven numbers I see in his pocket
Better win the lottery
'Cause God help my man if he's fooling around

If he's fooling around with some hussy he knows
While I'm rocking his babies and washing his clothes
If he thinks he can come home and climb into my bed
He's got a frying pan coming upside his head

I hope he's got a real good lawyer
'Cause he's gonna need one
'Cause you know my daddy
Is the judge here in this small town
By the time I'm through
I'm getting my half and I'm taking his too
'Cause God help my man if he's fooling around

Yeah, God help my man if he's a fooling around