Helmet hair, i'm debonnaire
I'm not afraid to cry to my car Kit
Devon Miles, my brother Garth (EVIL)
Best damn TV acting since Joyce De Witt
Cruise the beach, make em screech
Hope that they don't notice my crows feet
Suck in the gut, and pout and strut
A locker without my poster is incomplete

Feelin' more like Dave Hasselhoff every day
Feelin' more like Dave Hasselhoff every day

Love to croon, set the chicks a swoon
Big in Denmark, and in your town soon
The chest hair's moussed, the butt is goosed
The Nielsen's are down, hit the turbo boost

The bay is watched, the line are botched, the screen is filled with my bulging crotch