John: Sunken yachtsmen, sinking yards,
Drunken Scotsmen, drinking hard.
Every lunatic and his friend,
I mustn't go down to the sea again.

Jon: Edge of Cliffesville, terraced houses,
Lilo lills, unfaithful spouses,
Dirty weekends by the sea
And stains on sheets in B&Bs.

John: The rain whips the promenade,
It drips on chips, they turn to lard.
I'd send a card if I had a pen,
I mustn't go down to the sea again.

Jon: The edge of Cliffesville's all decay
And all the punters stay away,
Put off by negative reports,
Of lairy bastards, mucky shores.

John: A string of pearls from the bingo bar
For a girl who looks like Ringo Starr.
She's mad about married men,
I mustn't go down to the sea again.

Jon: It's the sort of place you'd come to die,
It's f**king grim - no wonder why,
I think I'll save ya from the rest,
Even the seagulls - they're depressed.

John: The clumsy kiss that ends in tears,
How I wish I wasn't here.
Tell Tony, Mike and Lynn,
I mustn't go down to the sea again.