Better living through fake science
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)
The future is now and it’s freaking me out
(Welcome to Ru-co labs)

They always say consult your doctor
Before taking a new medicine
But what the hell do they know
Tell it like it is girl
What we got in stock?

We got tablets, drops, patches and shots
We got liquids that can take you from whatever you got
Have a sip, have a slurper, if you can still swallow, a hand full of promises
Even though they’re hollow

Here at Ru-co labs we’ve worked so hard
To make these drugs help you with your strife
So check out these pills we’re tuckin
Cause honey they’re here to give you life
(Welcome to Ru-co labs, yah)

O. M. G
What? What’s wrong?
Boys don’t make passes at queens with flat asses
What can I do about it?
Say goodbye padding and hello to badonkadonk
And it makes yo ass get a lot humps
It comes in a patch snuffed down by your snatch
If it’s a good batch then it starts to hatch
Badonkadonk, watch out J-Lo, watch out nicki, watch out Kandy K
Cause we about to break the Internet every other day

Got a new power bottom and it’s on display
It’s got its own zip code by the way 9-0-2-1
Oh, that’s a big old ass
My backside looks like a mountain pass
Badonkadonks now available on the go
In a perky powder that looks a lot like snow
Put it in your salad or a cold ice tea
Don’t snort it up your nose this ain’t 1983
Badonkadonks

Hey Sandy haven’t seen you at the club lately
Yeah well, I spent most of my summer working on my Drag Race audition
That’s not what I heard, I heard you’ve been poppin out at parties
You don’t mean? Sandy, no!
Used to rule the clubs but now I’m stuck at home
Suffering from a case of restless tuck syndrome
Cause when I see a stud in a tuck that’s cropped
I can’t get in my drag cause my tuck gets popped

But now there’s a solution made by Ru-co Inc
A handy little pill that makes your junk shrink
So easy once a month just open up your say aww
When life gets to hard just take some Flaccida
(Flaccida, Flaccida)
Flaccida saved my life and now I love it oodles
Even around the pit crew I feel nothing noodles
(Flaccida)
Now illegal in forty-eight states

Here’s the tee about that old queen on Twitter
You know that hateful bitch that’s always so bitter
She says that Gaga stole it all from Madonna
What’s next, adopting kids from Botswana?
She wears caftans and moo moos, just like a idol, what she have in her gym bag?
Viagra and midol, kids today are down hill post Mariah
And who’s that new girl names Zendaya?

Do you suffer from bitter old queen syndrome?
Ru-co labs has a spray for dat
Trollvada spray a spritz a dab under your old under thigh
And soon you’ll be taking snapchats of your avocado toast
For the love of Cathleen turner, what is happening?
Huh, omy God, I’m obsessed with Miley’s new single
What’s the new dating app I’m ready to mingle
I’m gender fluid and not into labels, cutting boards and getting rid of cable

I don’t just sit at dinner tables anymore, I flip ‘em
Thanks Conflama
(That bitch is crazy)
I haven’t had a sip of wine in three years, why?
Because now I throw it in people’s faces!
Thanks Conflama

Conflama, it’s conflict plus drama
You know what that equals right?
Dolla signs
It’s what every reality stars got
Conflama I put two teaspoons in my coffee every morning
Good to the last death drop
(Conflama, find a way to pull up tonight, Conflama)
Bitch, I’m from Chicago
(Conflama, won’t go home till we start a fight, Conflama)
This ain’t RuPaul’s Best Friends Race
(Conflama)
Go back to party city where you belong
Bitch, the song is over
Don’t you tell me when the song is over
(Conflama, it’s working)

What did Tinderella say when she got to the ball?
Choking violently
Oh dear Tinderella, why are u gagging so?
What could I do, I bit off more than I could chew
It’s my great defect, I have terminal gag reflex
Feeling stressed, choked a distant, gag reflex is so persistente
Ru-co labs has a potion you can drink up any ocean
Now there’s Swalloweve
(Lalalalalalalala)
Swalloweve
Swalloweve is for princesses twenty-one and older
And does not prevent the spread of STDs
Side effects include increased bitchyness, an unquenchable thirst
Lower credit scores and total austigmization
Thanks to Swalloweve I’ll be ready whenever my prince comes
(Swalloweve)

Did you see her shoes?
(Yass queen)
Queen 1: Aren’t they so tacky?
(Yass queen)
Queen 1: Can you stop saying that?
(Yass queen)
I don’t think you can?
(Bitch, what do you mean?)

Some queens are so annoying, they’re voices are really cloying
Repeating the same words falling out they’re lips like turds
Oh gurl, you got Drag mouth, it’s a bit problimary
You need to read a book like right now
And up your vocabular
But now there’s a fix when you come and go South
All you gotta do is put this Caulk in your mouth

Caulk, as in C-A-U-L-K get your mind out of the gutter
Anyone can use it including straights, bis and gays
It stops your loose lips from shouting drag cliches
Side effects include but are not limited to yass queen
Damn now I got it
Good God, get a grip gurl, okur-r-r-r-r

There’s a question, burns deep in my soul
One that you, can only control
From your lips to God’s ear, there’s an answer we all need to hear
Tell me is there an anal option
What’s right for others ain’t right for me, what I’m asking is biology
RuPaul is there an anal option for me
(For me, for me, for me, for me, me too)

Five out of four doctors don’t recommend Ru-co labs
So kids just don’t drugs
Just love yourself so you can love somebody else
Can I get an amen?
Amen