G                        C   G
Margaret Thatcher talkin on TV,
                        D       G
looks so sincere as she says to me,
        G         C        G
There'd be no unemployment if,
                      D     G
you all used a bit of initiative
      Em                C
I was on the dole I was broke and bored
     G             C      G
Says I'll take her at her word
      Em                    C
Got a loan from the credit union man,
    G               D       G
And bought meself a transit van.

[Verse 2]
   G                C      G
My next step up the ladder now,
                   D        G
I bought meself an auld fat sow,
G                       C   G
Cross the border quite legally?,
                          D    G
Collected a common market subsidy,
       Em                    C
Signed all the forms, handed back the pen.
G                     C    G
Smuggled the sow back home again,
    Em            C
Ten times a day I worked this plan,
  G                          D       G
Meself, and the sow, and the transit van

[Verse 3]
G                   C          G
Travel sickness the sow picked up,
                       D    G
Says I, it's time to diversify,
     G                     C       G
Took all me money from the biscuit tin,
                                D           G
Filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin,
 Em                 C
Around the South me wares I'd sell,
   G             C     G
In public houses and hotels,
          Em                  C
There was never a guard nor a customs man,
        G               D       G
Put his nose inside the transit van,

[Verse 4]
   G             C           G
At festivals and fleadhs and fairs,
                            D       G
If the craic was good you'd find me there,
   G               C        G
At all big matches in Croke Park,
                              D      G
And I danced with Springstein in the dark,
  Em                         C
I fought with the tinkers in Ballinasloe,
  G                  C        G
I danced on streets around Listowell,
Em                C
Mothers had their daughters warned,
     G                  D       G
Stay well away from the transit van,

[Verse 5]
   G                  C           G
It being Lent and the drink trade slow
                   D   G
I took to carrying video
      G              C    G
While on the road to Ballybay
                          D     G
Found a customs roadblock in me way
   Em                C
To face the border I got her turned,
    G                     C     G
The engine roared and the tires burned,
Em               C
Five patrol cars fully-manned,
        G                  D       G
Were in hot pursuit of the transit van

[Verse 6]
G                 C     G
Through Clontbrit I did go,
                      D        G
I was heading for the county Mayo,
G                  C     G
Round the corner I hit a dog,
                           D      G
Went over the ditch landed in the bog,
  Em                    C
I sat on a bank watched all I owned,
       G             C      G
Sinkin in a bog hole like a stone,
        Em                         C
She was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning,
        G              D        G
And the stereo playing Daniel O'Donnell.

[Verse 7]
G                    C     G
Now I'm back where I first began,
                      D      G
No job, no money, but I've a plan,
          G            C     G
There's a girl down in Mullingar,
                       D      G
She can hold me future in her hand,
    Em                  C
She doesn't look like a film star
    G                     C         D
but she's been telling me about her da.
       Em             C
He has no property or land
           G              C       G
but he has two sows and a transit van.

[Verse 8]
    G                         C    G
The Queen of England drives a RollsRoyce car,
                        D  G
her son Charly has a Ja-gu-ar.
             G            C    G
But when the Pope came to I-re-land
     Em
like meself
   G                 C   G
he drove around in a transit van!