F B Fm7? Bm7 e|--1-- e|--1-- e|--1-- e|--1--| B|--1-- B|--3-- B|--1-- B|--2--| G|--2-- G|--3-- G|--1-- G|--1--| D|--3-- D|--3-- D|--1-- D|--3--| A--3-- A--1-- A--3-- A--1--| e|--1-- e|--1-- e|--1-- e|--1--| E|-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-13-8h10p8-|-------------| B|-------------|-------------|-------------|--10---------| G|-------------|-------------|-------------|-----10------| D|-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------| A|-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------| E|-------------|-------------|-------------|-------------|F F Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under theF F stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down theF F street from Jerry?s Bait Shop? You know the place? Well anyway, back thenF F F F life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy? except of courseF F F F for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make meF F F F a big old bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. Daaaaaaaouh! Big bowl ofF F sauerkraut!E|-13------------| B|---13p10-------| G|--------10-----| F F F F F D|---------------| Every single morning! It was driving me crazy. I said to A|---------------| E|---------------|F F my mom, I said, ?Hey mom, what?s up with all the sauerkraut?? And my dearF F F F sweet mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train.F F F F And she leaned right down next to me, and she said, ?It?s good for you!?B B B B F F F F B B B And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouthB F F F F B B B B F F and force|-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty-six and a halfF F years old. That?s when I swore that someday, someday I would get out ofF F F that basement and travel to a magical far away place where the sun isB F always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels areB F B oh so fluffy, where the shriners and the lepers play their ukulele?s allF B day long and anyone on the street?ll gladly shave you?re back for aF B B B B F nickel. Wakawakadoodoo yah! Well let me tell you people, that it wasn?tF F F F long at all before my dream came true because the very next day a localF F radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the numberF F F F of molecules in Leonard Neroy?s butt. I was off by three but I still wonF F the grand prize. That?s right a first class one|-way ticket, toF Fm7 B Bm7 F B F F Fm7 B Bm7 F B A - lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque! Ah yah, you know I neverF F been on a real airplane before and I gotta tell ya it was really great.F F F F Except that I had to ist between two large Albanian women withF F excruciatingly severe body odour and the little kid in back of me keptF F throwing up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. PepperF F F F and salted peanuts and the in flight movie was "Biodome" with Polly Shore.F And oh yah three of the airplane's engines burned down and we went into aB F tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giantB F F fireball and everybody died! Except for me. You know why? ?Cause I had myB F B train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had myF B F B train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position, had myF B F B train table up, and my seat back in the full upright position. Ah ha haF F F F ha! Oh ha ha! Ahhhh. So I crawled from the twisted burnin? wreckage, IF F crawled on my hands and knees for three full days, dragging along my bigF B F leather suitcase, and my garment bag, and my tenor saxophone, and myB F B twelve|-pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the darkF B B B B snorkel. But finally a arrived at the world famous ?Albuquerque HolidayF F F Inn?, where the towels are oh so fluffy, and you could eat you?re soupF F right out of the ashtrays if you wanna, it?s OK their clean. Well IF B F checked into my room and I turned down the AC and I turned on the spectroB F vision and I was just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillowB F that I love so very very much when suddenly there?s a knock on the door.F F F F F Well now who could that be? I say, ?who is it?? No answer. ?Who is it??F There?s no answer. ?Who is it!?? They?re not saying anything, so finally IF go over and I open the door and just as I suspected, it?s some big fatF F F hermaphrodite with a flock of seagull?s haircut and only one nostril. OhF F F B man I hate it when I?m right. So anyway he burst into my room and grabbes my lucky snorkel and I?m like ?hey, you can?t have that! That snorkel hasF F F been just like a snorkel to me.? And he?s like ?tough? And I?m like ?giveF F F F it.? And he?s like ?make me.? And I?m like ?k.? So I grabbed his leg andB B F F B he grabbed my oesophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off myB F F eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a valonic irrigationF F yes indeed you better believe it. And somehow in the middle of it all theF F F F phone got knocked off the hook, and twenty seconds later I heard aF F familiar voice, and you know what it said, I?ll tell you what it said, itF F B B B F F B B F said, ?if you?d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If youF B B F B F F need help hang up and then dial you?re operator. If you?d like to make aB B B F F B F F B B call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dialF B F Fm7 B Bm7 F B F F Fm7 B Bm7 F you?re operator. In A - lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque! WellF F F to cut a long story short he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemnF F vow right then and there that I would rest, I would not sleep for anF F F F instant until the one|-nostriled man was brought to justice. But first IF F B B decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my car and drove over to the donutF B F shop and I walked right up to the guy behind the counter and he says ?yah,wadaya want?? E|-13--------11--------------11131618------------------1113-| it ain't per--| B|-------------1311--------13--------1816----------1113---------------------| fect but it'l G|-----------------1311------------------171513--13-------------------------| give you some D|---------------------1310--------------------15---------------------------| thing to do A|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| till you fig E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| ure it outF F F F I said, ? you got any glazed donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out ofF F F F glazed donuts.? I said, ?well you got any jelly donuts?? He said, ?naaaF F were all out of jelly donuts.? I said, ?you got any Bavarian cream-filledF F F F donuts?? He said, ?naaa were all out of Bavarian cream-filled donuts.? IF F said, ?you got any cinnamon rolls?? He said, ?naaa were all out ofF F F F cinnamon rolls.? I said, ?you got any apple fritters!?? He said, ?naaaF F were out of apple fritters.? I said, ?you got any bear claws!!?? He said, ?wait a minute, I?ll go check.E|------------------------------------------------16-16-18-16-18-18b-| B|-18v----------------------------------------19-19-18---------------| G|------------------------------19-19-21-19-21-21--------------------| D|-----15v---------19-19-21-19-21-21---------------------------------| A|---------19h20h21--21----------------------------------------------| E|-------------------------------------------------------------------| E|-18-16-16-------------------| B|--------18-16-16------------| G|-------------18-18-15-15----| D|---------------------18-18--| A|-------------------------15-| E|----------------------------|F F F Naaa were out of bear claws.? I said, ?well in that case, in that caseF F F F what do you have?? He said, ?all I?ve got right now is this box of onedozen starving crazed weasels.?G------| I said, ?OK I?ll take that.? So he D|------| A|------| E|------|F B F hands over the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out and theyB F immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over ayiyiF F F F yiyiyiyi. Oh, oh man they were just going nuts! Their terin? me apart. YouF FF know I think it was just about that time that little ditty started goin?B BB F FF B BB through my head. I believe it went a little something like this.F F F F B B B B F F F F B B B B F F F F B B B ?DoooohgetemoffmegettemoffmeooogetemoffgettemoffoooohgetoooohgeooohoooahhhB F F F F B B B B F F hohhhiahhooohahahahhhohhhhh!? I ran out onto the street with these fleshF F F F eating weasels all over my face, waiving my arms all around and justF F runnin? and runnin? and runnin? like a constipated wiener dog. And as luckF F F F would have it, that?s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams, herF F name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbiteF F F F and hair the colour of strange peaches. I?ll never forget the very firstF F F thing she said to me, she said, ?hey, you got weasels on your face.?F F That?s when I knew it was true love, we were inseparable after that, oh weF F F F ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-F F F flavoured dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got married andB F B we bought us a house and had two beautiful children, Nathaniel andF F F Superfly. Oh we were so very very very happy, oh ya. But then one fateful night Zelda said to me, she said, ?Sweetie|-pumpkin, do you want to joinF FF F B BB F B the Columbia Record Club?? I said, ?Wooooah hold on now baby, I?mF B F just not ready for that kind of a commitment.? So we broke up and I neverF F F F F Fm7 B Bm7 F saw her again but that?s just the way things go, . In A -F B F Fm7 B Bm7 F lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque!E|-16-16-16---16-16-16---16------16b16b17b17b17b18b18b-16-13-----------| B|-18-------18---18----18--18-18-18--------------------------16--------| G|--------------------------------------------------------------14-----| D|-----------------------------------------------------------------15--| A|---------------------------------------------------------------------| E|---------------------------------------------------------------------| E|----------------------------------------20p18p16p11-| B|----------------------------------18-16-------------| G|-17-15----18-18-18-16----19-17----------------------| D|------17-------------16-------17--------------------| A|----------------------------------------------------| E|----------------------------------------------------|F F Anyway then things really started looking up for me, because about a weekF F F F later I finally achieved my life|-long dream. That?s right I got me a partF F time job at the ?Sizzler.? I even made employee|-of-the|-month after I putF F out that grease|-fire with my face. Oh ya everyone was pretty jealous of meF F F F after that. I was getting lota attitude. OK like one time, I was out inF F F F the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil, whenF F I see this guy Marty tryin? to carry a big old sofa up the stairs all byF F himself. So I-I say to him, I say, ?hey, you want me to help you withF F F F that? And Marty he just rolls his eyes and goes, ?nooooo I want you to cutF F B F F F F off my arms and legs with a chain saw.? So I did. And then he gets allB B B B F F F F B B B B indignant on me, he?s like, ?hey mad I was just being sarcastic.? WellF F F that?s just great, how was I supposed to know that? I?m not a mind readerF F for crying out loud. Besides now he?s got a really cute nickname ?TorsoE|-20-16-18-17-14-16----------------------------------------| B|-------------------20-16-18-17-13-15----------------------|F F G|-------------------------------------19-15-17-17-13-15----| Boy?. D|-------------------------------------------------------15-| SoA|----------------------------------------------------------| E|----------------------------------------------------------|what?s he complaining about? Say that reminds me of another amusingF F F F anecdote; this guy comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn?t hadF F a bite in three days. Well I knew what he meant but just to be funny IF F F F took a big bite out of his jugular vein, and he?s yelling and screamingB and bleeding all over and I?m like, ?hey come on don?t you get it?? But heF F F B B F just kept rolling around on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming, YAHHHH!F B F F OHHHH! AHHHH! And I?m completely missing the irony of the whole situation,F F F F F F man some people just can?t take a joke you know? Anyway, um? um? where wasF F F F F F I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Oh, uh, well oh okay anyway I know it?sF F a roundabout way of saying it but I guess the whole point I?m trying toF B F B make is, I, HATE, SAURKROUT! That?s all I?m really trying to say, and byF B the way if one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in anF B F B exsulstential quandary full of woeing and self doubt and wrapped with theF B F pain and isolation of you?re pitiful meaningless existence, at least evenB F take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in thisB F B F B crazy old mixed up universe of ours, there?s still a little place, calledF Fm7 B Bm7 F B F Fm7 B Bm7 F B F B A - lbuquerque, A - lbuquerque! Albuquerque, Albuquerque,F B F B F Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,B F B F B F B F F B B F F B B Albuquerque, I say A, A, L, L, B, B, U, U? QUERQUE! QUERQUE!F F B B F F B B F F Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,B B F F B B F F B B Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,F F B B F F B B F F Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque,B B F Albuquerque, Albuquerque,E|-13-13-11-18-16-13-11-13-11/8-6-8-6-4-------1-1-1-1-| B|--------------------------------------1-----1-1-1-1-| G|----------------------------------------3---2-2-2-2-| D|------------------------------------------1/3-3-3-3-| (drum solo) A|--------------------------------------------3-3-3-3-| E|--------------------------------------------1-1-1-1-|
Albuquerque
"Weird Al" Yankovic
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Tom: