Billy solves his problems by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But malcolm has his own way and it's better than them all
Chorus
'cause malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
And he never has the same problem twice
Whether it's a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that's second rate
Awful tv programs or a broken elvis plate
Or his fiancee who dumps him because he's gaining weight
Chorus
Aaaaggghhh aaaaggghhh
Problem solved