Loudly the festivities ring, the kitchen hand shouts, the cabin crew sing,
Rum soaked chips and rum soaked dip,
Welcome to the Lagerstein ship!
Firstmate comes out of the hold, his eyes pried wide, his face falls cold,

The booze stores are completely empty,
No tobacco, no ale, no whiskey!
Welcome to the nightmare ship!
The lookout can't see straight - the first time in years,

The cabin is silent without crewman cheers,
The wench is a man, turns out we're all queer,
The cabin is empty we're all out of beer
Obviously this is Mother Junkst's fault, the mate drinks rum like its about to turn old,

To the end of the plank he'll skip,
Get the fuck off the Lagerstein ship!
Rackers was in on it too, he chundered before, he smells like booze,
He can ride the dingy to quay,

Get tobacco, get ale, get whiskey!
Welcome to the Lagerstein ship!
The lookout can't see straight - the first time in years

The cabin is silent without crewman cheers
The wench is a man, turns out we're all queer
Hold up, here’s an esky...
We just found our beer!