There's a lot of different kinds of Buddhism,
of particular interest is this one
When your teacher's think you're nearing a breakthrough in consciousness

they make you sit totally still, for eight days, with big sticks ready
and if you move even the smallest amount, they beat you!

Be still Buddha, they'll beat you
Be still Buddha, they'll beat you
Eight days in the lotus, meditating fast
If you lose your Buddha, the monks'll kick your ass

I heard about this and I thought of my monastery sized walk in closet
and that Bending Branches hockey stick I keep in there

"I can do this," I thought, "I would have to do both jobs,
but I could synchronize,"

Be still Buddha, I'll beat you
Be still Buddha, I'll beat you
Eight days in the lotus, meditating fast
if I lose your Buddha, I'll kick my ass

I'll tell you something... it works!
I'm officially Enlightened!

'Cause for eight days I sat in that walk-in closet and I held the posture,
legs fell asleep and muscles cramped up, but if i moved even the smallest amount,
I'd beat myself with that Bending Branches hockey stick

Like... like... like I was in the Stanley Cup Finals
going one on one with the Shiva
Looks like a break away in overtime,
slapshot from the Blue Line
Davis scores, enlightenment wins

Eight days in the lotus, meditating fast
if I lose my Buddha...
Eight days in the lotus (Davis shoots!) meditating fast (enlightenment wins!)
if I lose my Buddha...