C
Well here's how this whole mess got started
      Em
Had a stripper at a bachelor party
  Am
I knew when she jumped out of that cake
F                   G
We were meant to be
    C
The next date we both flew off to Vegas
  Em
I must have been an ignoramus
  Am
I honestly believed that she
F
Loved me just for me
G            Am         F             C
Oh it wasn't six months it came to an end
G                   Am
I walked out of the courtroom crying
F
She left with a grin

              C
Cause she got half
           G
And I said "OW!"
       Am
I mean dang
              F            C
That comes to nearly fifty thou
    G
Per date
   Am                     F
My butt had never been so chafed
              C
Cause she got half

  C
I wondered if I'd remain lonely
   Em
Or would I find my one and only
Am
Then the answer to my prayers
   F               G
Ap peared on my TV
    C
The cutest little tarot card reader
  Em
I knew that I just had to meet her
Am
Then she said it was in the cards
    F
For her to marry me
G         Am                       F               C
Oh wasn't three months later I was back in court a gain
G          Am
No way she could have predicted
    F
The way it would end

            C
Cause I got half
             G
And she said "OW!"
              Am
Two dollars a minute
         F
So every one call right now
C
Your
          G
Future aw aits
    Am                      F
And I will be the next Bill Gates
            C
Cause I get half

     G
Some times you're better off as friends
      F
Cause if it ever ends

     G        C
Then they get half
               G
And you'll say "OW"
           Am             F
So I'm not looking to get married right now
C          G
I've got a date
       Am                     F
With a beautiful Playboy Play mate
              C
Who won't get half