I am just an ordinary guy, with a very ordinary life.
I have a house and a kid and a wife. Isn't that oh so very nice?
I get up to be at work by 9. Every month I pay my bills on time.
I wrap my recyclables up with twine. Isn't that oh so very nice?

Come on, Skoochie, get the lock off your sack!
Come out to the bar and knock a few back!
I remember the days of your glorious past.
You'd close up the bar dragged out on your ass!
So what'll ya do? Come out with the crew?
Drinking brew after brew til your facha turns blue?
Or stay at home sitting with the old lady,
While I'm filling my shot glass with 1780!!

I am just an ordinary guy, with a very ordinary life.
I'm insecure about my penis size. Isn't that oh so very nice?
I watch porno from time to time, enjoying a life that is not mine.
I rub one out if the girl is fine. Isn't that oh so very nice?

Come on, Skoochie, now I'm calling your bluff,
With a fist full of singles just ready to stuff!
You know it's your fate. So why would you wait
To hit very nudie bar in the Garden State?!
Will you come out and roam or just stay at home?
Pruning Petunia's with your gay Garden Gnomes,
Changing nappies, wiping bums full of ca-ca,
While I'm sticking my face between silicone ta-ta's.