When it comes to
Hitchin' the boat up
Backin' down the ramp
In my old truck
To find a bunch of logs
To catch a bunch of hogs
Yeah, I wrote the book
Yeah, I wrote the book

If you wanna learn
To throw a curve right
To catch a clean up
Lookin' on a third strike
Talk a little smack
While he's walkin' back
Yeah, I wrote the book

But there's one that lays by
The lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to
Keep me on a straight line
I'm a Jack of all trades
But man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

I met a good girl
She had her life straight
She said she loved that I was good at everythin'
One day she left me in a cloud of dust
'Cause I never was too good at pickin' up

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
The one that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to
Keep me on a straight line
I'm a lack of all trades
But man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write

Yeah the good Lord knows I need it
I didn't write it but I probably oughta read it

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand
One that says don't cuss and don't fight
Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night
Those get you into Heaven letters in red
Ain't gettin' read enough to
Keep me on a straight line
I'm a lack of all trades
But man I gotta say
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write
That's one book I didn't write