{VERSE 1} 
 
D                                     C 
Please leave all overcoats, canes and tophats 
                    F 
with the doorman. From that moment 
                  B 
you'll be by yourself and underdressed. 
     A 
I'm wrecking this evening already and 
 B 
loving every minute of it. 
C                            B                A 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end. 
 
             D (hammer/palm mute) 
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off white 
C           C         B          A 
pinstripes, whoa oh. Everything goes 
      A     G    F    D 
A   cord   ing   to   plan. 
D                     C 
I'm the new cancer, never looked better 
F           B 
you can't stand it. 
         B                  B 
And you say so under your breath 
                 A                A 
you're reading lips "when did he get all confident?"  
*Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
*I've never looked better and you can't stand it. 

Transition: B B B B A A {X} 

{VERSE 2} 
 
*Next is a trip to the  the ladies' room in vain and, 
*I bet you just can't keep up with, with fashionistas and 
*Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign 
*I bet to them your name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shhh... 
 
D                    C 
Talk to the mirror. Oh, choke back tears! 
           B 
And keep tellin' yourself that: 
 
*"I'm a diva." 
D                         C 
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box 
         F                B 
on the table they just so happened to be 
  B     A   B    B     B    {X}   A 
laced with ni   tro   gly   ce   rin 
 
 
{Repeat: "I'm the new cancer"} 
 
 
{BRIDGE} (slow strum) 
 
D           C          F           B 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer 
     B            A          D 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it. 
 
{OUTRO} 
        D                          C 
And i know, and i know, it just doesn't feel like 
          F                         B 
a night out with no one sizing you up. 
            B             A 
I've never been so surreptitious so of course 
         D                            D 
I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.