Em 
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman 
Em 
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed 
    G 
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it 
                             B7 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and 
 
Em                                     D 
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman 
              G                         C 
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed 
   Am                                  B 
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it 
C                             D               Eb 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and 
 
Em 
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes, whoa-oh 
C          B     A   G      Em 
Everything goes according to plan 
 
Em                  D 
I'm the new cancer, never looked better 
G                C 
And you can't stand it 
                   C                  B 
I know because you say so under your breath 
                C                   B 
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?" 
Em          D          G             C 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
C            B 
Never looked better 
    Em                     B   C  B  C   B 
And you can't stand it 
(play along to the piano timing changes) 
 
 Em 
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain 
G 
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas 
B 
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign 
B 
To them, your name is "Cheap", and you look like sh-- 
Em                  D 
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears 
       G                         C               C B Am 
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva." 
 
Am                         B                        C 
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table 
              D     Eb       C  B    C       
    B 
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin 
 
(Chorus) 
Em          D           G               C 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
  C                B              Em 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it 
      Em 
And I know, and I know 
         D                        G                         C 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
           C              B 
I've never been so surreptitious 
                             Em 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch 

(and repeat the chords) 
 
And I know, and I know 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
I've never been so surreptitious 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch 
And I know, and I know 
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up 
I've never been so surreptitious 
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch