Twenty one and one-half years ago
I woke up crying in suburban Baltimore.
Some fucker kicked me out the door.

Three and three-fourth years ago
I wandered home and woke up sighing
Everything was different.
All the people were confiding in me.

Every now and again
I go back to where it all began.
I kind of wish I didn't,
But I like to see my friends.

Oh, Baltimore!
You make me smile.
You make me happy.
We'll be together in a while.

When I was a kid,
The proudest I had ever been
Was when I didn't hit my sister
For a several hour stint.

When I cleaned the carpet
With a bottle of shampoo
I didn't want to get in trouble.
I just wanted to clean you,

Because everybody knows
That you're a dirty fucking town,
But I've got memories
That keep me coming back just for another round.

Oh, Baltimore!
You make me smile.
You make me happy.
We'll be together in a while.

Oh, Baltimore!
You make me smile.
You make me happy.
We'll be together in a while.

Oh, Baltimore!
You make me smile.
You make me happy.
We'll be together in a while.