C:      0003
F:      2010
E7:     1202
A7:     0100  NB. A7add9: 0102
Ab7:    1323  or  x323
G7:     0212
Bb:     3211
F7:     2310
Fmaj7:  5557
G:      0232
Abmaj7: 0343
Cm:     0333
F7sus2: 0313
Cmaj7:  0002

[Intro]
N.C.
Here's a festive tale for you all

C F E7 A7 F Ab7 G7 C G7 C

[Verse 1]
           C                          Bb
It was the night before christmas and all around the house
     F                          F7
Were scattered small puddles of famous grouse
   C                 F
An early gift from a maiden aunt
                A7                         Ab7 
I thought 'I'll drink this rot' although I shan't
    G7           C                       Bb
The plants got a good whiskey watering though
               F                        F7
After my risky sauntering home from the club
         C                   F
Beyond a quick pop in to the pub
                  A7                         Ab7            G7
To extol tales of old to the proles in their ruddy lug-holes
                 C                               Bb
Though they were cold I know they found my jolly stories rather droll
     F                       F7              C
They went down gladly like a tory troll at a glory hole.
     F                         A7                  Ab7
I degress, still barely made a crease in my Sunday best
     G7       C                    Bb
When I arrive home in a stupor 'Oh super' I thought
        F                            F7
'Father Christmas is a trouper, I'll leave him some port
          C                        F
Under the tree as a treat, that'll set him on his way
      A7                      Ab7           G7
And a carrot for Rudolph, the helper on his sleigh'

[Bridge]
N.C.
I placed the offering beneath the tree
N.C.
With a note which read 'Santa, thanking ye
N.C.
Do enjoy these small treats that I've given thee'
N.C.
But when I woke the fat git had taken liberties!

[Chorus]
     C                      F
Just one glass of sherry, I thought that was clear
        E7              A7
And the carrot was food for the reindeer
   F            Ab7       G7         C  G7  C
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.
   C              F
An empty bottle beneath the tree
      E7                   A7
And a carrot besmirched by faecal debris.
   F            Ab7       G7         C  G7
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.

[Verse 2]
C       C                              
I come down on christmas morning to a terrible sight
Bb                               
I thought at first a burglar had come in the night
         C                                                      
A sherry bottle on the fire and sherry dripping from the ceiling
Bb                                
  And now the christmas dinner seems somewhat unappealing.
         C                         
Since he did that with a carrot my confidence is murky
   Bb                                      
As to whether he didn't do something rather similar with the turkey.
C                       
Next year though, I shall find out the truth
   Bb              
I shall await the cheeky blighter with a shotgun on the roof

[Chorus]
     C                            F
If I may be permitted to state an actual fact,
       E7                      A7
Father Christmas committed an unatural act
   F            Ab7       G7         C  G7 C
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.
   C                     F
He finished my supply of fortified wine
        E7                            A7
Then he popped (!) a carrot where the sun doesn't shine
   F            Ab7       G7         C  G7 
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.

[Instrumental]
C F E7 A7 F Ab7 G7 C G7 C

[Interlude]
     C       F           E7           A7        F  Ab7 G7 C G7 C
Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas da----a----ay

[Chorus]
     C                            F
If I may be permitted to state an actual fact,
       E7                      A7
Father Christmas committed an unatural act
   F            Ab7       G7         C  G7 C
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.
   C                     F
He finished my supply of fortified wine
        E7                            A7
Then he popped (!) a carrot where the sun doesn't shine
   F            Ab7       G7         C
Oh Santa, don't darken my chimney again.

[Outro]
G7  C        Fmaj7     G        Abmaj7  Cm  F7sus2  Cmaj7
Why would he do such a thing at christmas?