C                Am
Venus must have drifted just a
E7                F
Bit too far from shore--
                    G
She sunk her little oyster ship
    G7
And skinny dipped
    F                 G      G7
On down to the ocean floor

[Chorus 1]

C                   Am
True love ain't for you, love
       E7                  F
And if marriage is an institution
G                       G7
Mine'll have walls with cushions
                   F
So how's about an old fashioned handhabung
G                   G7
Here on the futon?

[Verse 2]

C           Am
Archibald Assholebroke pulled off
E7                 F
Many high-profile antics
         G                         G7
Like the time he walked outta the truck stop latrine
         F
With a machine that was essential
        G
To our dating scene

C              Am
Archie kept it starchy
        E7          F
For he wore 35 at a time
             G                        G7
And when his chippy stopped her heavy breathing
                F
Archibald could never unwind
            G                 G7
Cuz he was busy unsheathing...

[Verse 3]

C                  Am
Maybelle shook her sleighbell
             E7                 F
Betwixt Jack Frost and a frozen hay bale
   G                     G7
Mr Frost got his iceberg tossed
            F
And then he told Miss May
             G               G7
That she was free to get lost

C                Am
Feeling quite cantankerous
          E7
Maybelle dropped him in an
          F
Ice cream maker, thus
                  G                  G7
Proving what they say about scorning a lady--
     F                  G            G7      G         G7
And now Jack Frost is a snowball in Hades (buh-buh-buh-bum)

[Chorus 2]

C                   E7
True love ain't for you, love
        Am                 F
Oh, boo-hoo love, it's so gruesome
        G
But you can't do nuthin'
       G7
So you best do someone
      F        G          Am
Whom true love ain't for, too
        F         G         C
Because true love ain't for you