INTRO:  G F E / F G F / G F G C - / C E

B7
I caught a spot of rabies last Fall
            E
While I was roaming through the South—
       B7
It was raining cats & dogs and every cat and dog
       E              B7
was foaming at the mouth...
       E         B7
I met a wild-eyed spinster on the back of a bus
                          E
She asked if there was any part of her I'd like to touch
                    B7
When I told her "Yer nuts!" she got mad at me
                              E E7 C B7
And lectured on female anatomy...
E|E|E|E|------||||
CHORUS:
A                   D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G                         A
I got some business with you on the futon
F                           G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
   Am    Am7           F      E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A               D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G                   A
Grip their flies and flap together
F                       G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am             E           Am         E
Followed by another and another and another
         Am              E          Am           … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSODD 
E|E|E|E|------||||
B7
Flanagan went a full year without bathing
                                     E
And he reeked like a Hell-born beast

He used to slick his hair back every day
            B7        E         B7
With a bear claw and elbow grease
                         E
So I told him "You'll be showered with candy and treats
                    B7
If you can knock a piñata off the branch of a tree"
                        E
But what I showed him was not a pinata, no,
         B7               E    E7    C     B7
'Twas a beehive, actually...

A7          B7                 E
Thus he was chased by the bees,
        A7                  B7       E
They followed him down to the creek
    A7           B7
He jumped in the water—
     E
The upshot's he got his
      A7      B7           E E7 C B7
First bath in fifty-two weeks

Middle Kazoo Part:
A D / G A / F G / Am Am7 F E
A D / G A / F G / Am E / Am E / Am E / Am E
E|E|E|E|------||||
          B7
If yer a wealthy old codger then y'better not lodge here
          E
At the Amputated Arms Hotel, pop—
     B7
The man behind the counter, though a brute & a bounder
      E           B7             E
Is a milk-sop next to the bell-hop
                      B7
Who'd rather turn you inside oot & backwards
                                 E
Than pamper you, you highfalutin bastard—
              B7
Ask him for a hand with your bag
           E                B7              E     E7    C     B7                       
And you are gonna catch a boot in yer sack, sir!

E|E|E|E|------||||
CHORUS:
A                    D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G                        A
I got some business with you on the futon
F                          G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
    Am     Am7       F      E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A             D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G                   A
Grip their flies and flap together
F                       G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am          E             Am           E   
Followed by another and another and another
Am                       E            Am      … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSODD