G                          D7        D
Here's a little story of a man named John,
                         G
A poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone)
                         C
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife
    D                               D7         G
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
G
(Penis, that is) (Clean cut, missed his nuts)

[Verse 2]
G                       D7             D
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side
                        G
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride,
                          C
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
    D                                D7            G
And tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
G
(Curve, that is) (Lost the knob, in the shrubs)

[Verse 3]
G                        D7               D
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
                               G
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
                               C
They sniffed, and they barked, and they pointed "over there"
    D                          D7            G
To John Wayne's henry that was wavin' in the air.
G
(Found, that is) (By a fence, evidence)

[Verse 4]
G                           D7             D
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
                     G
So a dick-doc said, "Hey! I can fix your dong
                                 C
A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need.
    D                                     D7                G
Then the world held its breath 'till they heard that Johnny peed.
G
(Wizzed, that is) (Stitched seam, straight stream)

[Verse 5]
G                                 D7                      D
Well, he healed, and he hardened, and he took the case to court
                                   G
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short),
                               C
The cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
    D                                D7             G
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.
G
(Video, that is) (Unexposed, case closed)