E|-------------3------------3----------------------------|
B|-------------2------------2----------------------------|
G|-------------3------------3----------------------------|
D|-----0h3--0-------0h3b--0------------------------------| x2
A|-0h3---------------------------------------------------|
E|-------------------------------------------------------|

[Verse 1]
D
There's a man with a whiskey face
G                     D
Hollering 'cross the room
G                  D           Em             A
Politics and religion, like a hot air bourbon balloon
D
He's got mustard on his v-neck shirt
G                        D
He smells like cheap cologne
D
And he's interuptin my drinking time
                    A  N.C.  
I'm just trying ta catch a buzz and go home


[Chorus]
D
So if you talk too loud, if you walk too proud
G                          D
If you ain't bin laid in years
D
If you haul along and yer never wrong
Em                         A
And ya always see things clear
D                          D7
When you walk in with yur held up chin
G                         D
New people they start to move
D
If ya don't know who the asshole is
       A N.C.
Well, buddy, its probly you


[Verse 2]
D
Now there's a drunk girl, in every bar
G                     D
Screaming "It's my birthday"
D
And hey Drakey won't cha play Free Bird
Em                   A
Its a alla bout me anyway
D
Alla her girlfriends are a rolling their eyes
G                          D
Saying she's too much to bear
D
I'll give you one guess who the asshole is
           A  N.C.  
Its the blonde with the crown in her hair


[Chorus]
D
So if you talk too loud, if you act too proud
G                          D
If you ain't bin laid in years
D
If you haul along and yer never wrong
Em                         A
And ya always see things clear
D                          D7
When you walk in with yur held up chin
G                         D
New people they start to move
D
If ya don't know who the asshole is
       A N.C.
Well, buddy, its probly you


[Verse 3]
D
If you sleep with married men, hate all minivans
G                 D
Park in handicap parks
D
If you don't put your buggy up
Em                      A
In the Walmart parking lot
D
If ya don't catch a release
D
Say yes ma'am and please
G                               D
And you think your shit don't stink
D
Well buddy, you're the asshole
          A N.C.
And thats what we all think


[Riff]
So lemme tell ya all a story....

E|-------------3---------|
B|-------------2---------|
G|-------------3---------|
D|-----0h3--0------------| x2
A|-0h3-------------------|
E|-----------------------|

D
Well it was friday night, I'd won a scratch off ticket
G                       D
I was feeling 10 feet tall
D
I was full of Natural Light and feeling alright
Em                               A
Until I threw up on the bathroom stall
D
I got in a fight with my best friend
G                                D
And I made out with his girl you see
D
And that very night I realized ....
            A
That the asshole was me...


[Chorus]
D
So if you talk too loud, if you act too proud
G                          D
If you ain't bin laid in years
D
If you haul along and yer never wrong
Em                         A
And ya always see things clear
D                          D7
When you walk in with yur held up chin
G                         D
New people they start to move
D
If ya don't know who the asshole is
       A
Well, buddy, its probly you
D
If ya don't know who the asshole is
       A  N.C.
Well, buddy, ........its probly you


 [Outro]
E|--------------------------------3-----3-3-3------------|
B|-7--8--9--8--7------------------2-----2-2-2------------|
G|----------------7--9-----7------3-----3-3-3------------|
D|----------------------7-----7--------------------------|
A|-------------------------------------------------------|
E|-------------------------------------------------------|