Intro: 
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Em       Am     Em         Am                 Em 
I'm counting back the number of the steps 
    Am                  Em          Am      C                 D 
it took for me to get back on the wagon of the weekend 
Em  Am           Em   Am                   G 
I'll use the oven timer to prove that I'll 
     Em              C            D 
get home with my imagination 
Em      Am          C                D 
if they find the body in the basement 
G        Em     C                          D 
in the very house that she was raised in 

Em   Am     Em            Am               Em 
I'm taking down the number of the times 
       Am                   Em           Am       C                    D 
so when we get the sign from god I'll be the first to call them 
Em   Am    Em         Am                  G 
I'm taking back the number of the beast 
           Em     C                 D 
cause six is not a pretty number 
 Em         Am          C            D 
eight or three are definitely better 
G      Em       C                      D 
A is for the address on the letter 
Em      Am  C D       Em  Am Em Am Bm 
to my alcoholic friends 

Em   Am    Em   Am          Em 
I'm trying hard not to be ashamed 
Am                     Em       Am       C               D 
not to know the name of who is waking up beside me 
Em       Am         C                    D 
or the date, the season, or the city 
G         Em         C                   D 
but at least the ceiling's very pretty 
Em      Am         C              D 
and if you are holding it against me 
Em    Am      Bm      Am 
I'll be on my best behavior 
Em      Am          Bm        Am 
taking shots for mother nature 
 Em        Am    Bm       Am 
once my fist is in the cupboard 
Em       Am     Bm    Am 
love is never falling over 

(repeat intro riff) Em Am Bm 

Em           Am          C              D 
Should I choose a noble occupation? 
Em   Am      C                   D 
If I did I'd only show up late and 
G             Em            C                        D 
sick and they would tear at me with hatred 
G            Em   C                    D 
plus my only natural talent's wasted 
Em      Am  C   D    Em 
on my alcoholic friends 
       Am  C   D    Em 
my alcoholic friends 
      Am    C    D    Em 
the party never ends 
       Am  C    D    Em 
my alcoholic friends