I'm Bert
Perhaps you've heard of me Bert
You've had word of me
Jogging along, hearty and strong
Living on plates of fresh air
I dress
Up in fashion and when I am feeling depressed
I shave from my cuff
All the whiskers and fluff
Stick my hat on and toddle up west

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty
And saunter along like a toff
I walk down the Strand
With my gloves on my hand
Then I walk down again with them off
I'm all airs and graces
Correct, easy paces
Without food so long
I've forgot where my face is
I'm Bert, Bert
I haven't a shirt
But my people are well off, you know
Nearly everyone knows me
From Smith to Lord Rosebery
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty
And saunter along Temple Bar
As round there I skip
I keep shouting, "Pip, pip"
And the darn fools think I'm in my car

At Rothchild's I swank it
My body, I plank it on his front doorstep
With the mail for a blanket
I'm Bert, Bert
And Rothchild was hurt
He said "You can't sleep there"
I said "Oh?"
He said "I'm Rothchild, sonny"
I said "That's damn funny
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow"

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten-thirty
Then Buckingham palace I view
I stand in the yard
While they're changing the guard
And the king shouts across, "Toodle-loo"
The Prince of Wales' brother
Along with some others
Slaps me on the back and says,
"Come and see mother"
I'm Bert, Bert
And royalty's hurt
When they ask me to dine, I say "No"
I just had a banana
With Lady Diana
I'm Burlington Bertie,
Burlington Bertie,
I'm Burlington Bertie,
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!