Twinkees were a defense
For a murder binge
The killer had a high sugar count
But now he's on the mend
He sold his soul to the hostess
She turned his brain to mush
The lawyer said "sure, he
Killed 'em judge. It was just
A sugar rush!"

Fat on the bacon
Wool on the lamb
Flies in the ointment
Murder in the ham
Hardened hearts and arteries
Salt block in the Spam
Lord save us all from this
Bad Indigestion

Well, would we do the things we do
If there weren't poison in our blood
Would we hurt our fellow man
While consuming all this crud
Break our vows
Go to war
Put mankind to shame
If a chemical imbalance
Weren't coursing through our veins

Fat on the bacon
Wool on the lamb
Butter on the biscuits
Grease in the pan
Dyes in the candy
Tubas in the band
Lord save us all from this bad indigestion

The god of our benefits is
The great horn O' plenty (Cornucopia)
Moves it's great vegetable hand
Puts a little fruit in all of our baskets
Helps us function better in the can

Montezuma's revenge has
Got us on the run
Double meat velveeta cheese
Between two hot cross buns
Take seltzer and a prune
Pepto Bismal and a Tum
And look into the crap we eat
You'll find a smoking gun