First it was Pluto, the furthest, coldest planet
They said it’s not a planet after all
Then suddenly a dollar wasn’t worth a dollar
And banks too big to fail began to fall
All of this and more, I could accept—that’s how things go
But now I’m down here begging, on my knees
‘Cause now they’re trying to tell us
Lou Gehrig didn’t die
Of Lou Gehrig’s Disease

You all remember Lou, they Yankee slugger who
Along with Babe Ruth made the Bronx bombers go
Ruth he batted third, Gehrig batted fourth
A little thing called Murderer’s Row
Change history, make it new, Lindbergh sailed the ocean blue
But don’t tear down my idols please
Don’t say Lou Gehrig didn’t die

Never be another Gehrig
Never be another Ruth
All the modern sluggers
Got there on the juice
Ripken broke the Iron Horse’s streak
But Ripken didn’t have his own disease….
Whose disease is it, whose disease was it
If you didn’t catch it, if you did not contract it
Jim Bob Jorgensen’s Disease?
Flora Richardson’s Disease
Chan-Ho’s Disease?
Muhammad Braznakar’s Disease
Whose Disease Was It?

Next they’ll be sayin Grant isn’t buried
In Grant’s tomb—nope—guy named Pettit
The White House isn’t white, Red Square isn’t red
And the Alamo—forget it
Mondale, he beat Reagan, Nixon, he beat Kennedy
And Lassie—well Lassie had fleas
If Lou Gehrig didn’t die
Of Lou Gehrig’s Disease