E|--0--|-----|--0--|--0--|-----|
B|--1--|--0--|--0--|--1--|--1--|
G|--0--|--0--|--0--|--2--|--2--|
D|--2--|--0--|--2--|--2--|--3--|
A|--3--|--2--|--2--|--0--|-----|
E|-----|--3--|--0--|-----|-----|
    C     G     Em    Am    F

and the 'C B Am' part is played like this (you can just play Am):

E|-----|-0---|
B|-----|-1---|
G|-----|-2---|
D|-----|-2---|
A|-3-2-|-0---|
E|-----|-----|


[Intro]
C G Em Am
F G C C


[Verse 1]
C        G         Em    Am
Pregnant women are smug
         F                G
Everyone knows it, nobody says it,
                C
because they're pregnant

C      G        Em   Am
Effing son of a gun
                    F                         G
You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps now
            C
that you're pregnant

Am                       G
   I can't count all the ways how
Am                   G
   You speak in clichés now


[Skit]
N.C.
G: So, do you want a boy or a girl?
N.C.
O: Oh, it doesn't matter as long as it's healthy
N.C.
G: Really? 'Cause I don't feel like those two things are related at all. It's not like one or the other--
N.C.
O: No, no, no, no, as long as it's healthy, hm!


[Verse 2]
C       G            Em        Am
I can't wait to hear someone say
                   F
"Don't care if it's brain dead,
                  G
Don't care if it's limbless,
            C
If it has a penis"

C        G         Em    Am
Pregnant women are smug
         F                G
Everyone knows it, nobody says it,
                C
because they're pregnant

Am                    Em
This zen world you're enjoying
Am               G
Makes you really annoying


[Skit]
N.C.
G: So, is it a boy or a girl?
N.C.
O: Oh, we know, but we're not telling
N.C.
G: What are you gonna name it?
N.C.
O: Oh, we know, but we're not telling
N.C.
G: Who's the father?
N.C.
O: Oh, we know... but we're not... telling...


[Verse 3]
C        G            Em  Am
Bitch, I don't really care
            F                        G
I was being polite since you have no life now
            C
That you're pregnant

C              G          Em  Am
You say you're walking on air
                      F                             G
You think that you're glowing, but you've just been ho'ing
               C
And now you're pregnant

Am                 Em
You're just giving birth now
Am                G
You're not Mother Earth now


[Skit]
N.C.
G: Yeah, I have a lot going on. I got my degree, I moved, I wrote a novel--
N.C.
O: Gosh, everything just seems so trivial now that I'm pregnant
N.C.
G: I also built a nuclear fusion reactor
N.C.
O: You know, I can't even remember what I did before I was pregnant. Everything just seems so meaningless, hm!


[Verse 4]
C        G         Em    Am
Pregnant women are smug
         F                G
Everyone knows it, nobody says it,
                C
because they're pregnant

C      G        Em   Am
Effing son of a gun
                    F                         G
You think you're so deep now, you give me the creeps now
            C
that you're pregnant