Em
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
    C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed
    Am                                B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C                             B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and

Em                                     D
Please leave all overcoats, canes, and top hats with the doorman
     G                                 C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and under dressed
    Am                                B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it
C                             D               B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and
                                                       
Em                                                     
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white

xx5557 xx5555 xx5557 xx5555
pinstripes      whoa-oh

C          B      B  Am    G  Em
Everything goes according to plan


[Chorus]
C                   B7
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
    Em         D
And you can't stand it
                   G                  
I know because you say so under your breath
                B7          
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
C           B7          Em         D
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
G           
Never looked better
    B7                
And you can't stand it

B B C C B B C C C C B Am G


[Verse]
Em
Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain
C
I bet you just can't keep up with these fashionistas
Am
Tonight, tonight, you are, you are the whispering campaign
B                             B7
To them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shhh
Em                  D
Talk to the mirror, choke back tears
         G                       C          C B Am
And keep telling yourself that, "I'm a diva."

Am                         B                        C
Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table
             D      B     C     B    C  C  C Am  B
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin


[Chorus]
C                   B7
I'm the new cancer, never looked better
    Em         D
And you can't stand it
                   G                  
I know because you say so under your breath
                B7          
You're reading lips, "When did he get at all confident?"
C           B7          Em         D
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
G           
Never looked better
    B7                B B
And you can't stand it 

Em D G C   Am B Em

Em D G C   Am B Em


[Bridge]
Em          D          G           C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
    Am            B          Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it
Em          D          G           C
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
    Am            B          Em
I've never looked better and you can't stand it


[Outro]
      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch
      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch

      Em
And I know, and I know
        D                         G                          C
It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up
          Am             B
I've never been so surreptitious
                          Em                    D  Em
So of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch