E
Well, I got home and the door was locked

and I tried to ring the bell
E
I-found-a-little-bittie-note that she had wrote
                     E7
tellin' me to "Go to HELL!"
A
I crawled in the window, I got inside
E
She kicked me in the balls and then I cried
B7
Called me a name, said I lied
E
Kicked me again and I thought I died
A
Took my clothes, set 'em on fire,
E
hit me with her curlin' iron.
A
I tried to block it, with my watch,
B7
and then she kicked me in the crotch again.

      A                 B7              E
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend.

[Verse 2]
E
Well, I tried to tell her, but she didn’t care

That things weren’t what they seemed
E
She-had-a-pan on the stove full of boiling water
                           E7
And my nads would soon be steamed
A
I tried to run, scream for help
E
She-hit-me-in-the-nerts-with-a-Rhinestone-belt
A
It was like nothing that I ever felt
E
I thank God I wasn’t wearing a kilt
A
She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed
E
She swung it once and then she missed my head
A
She reared back, swung it again and
B7
Then she hit me in the twins again.

        A                 B7              E
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend
       A                 B7
Yeah, today’s that awful day,
        A                B7
Hey, my boys won’t be the same
         A               B7              E
Yeah, today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend